I used to long for a mentor. Okay, so maybe “long” isn’t the right word, because my desire isn’t that deep, nor do I actually think that a mentor is something unattainable, which happens to be one of the main characteristics of human longing. Not always, but usually. Nonetheless, I have always wanted a mentor; specifically, somebody for my professional endeavors. I’m 6+-years into my career as an Instructional Consultant (among many other titles and jobs over the past few ‘re-orgs’), and finally have realized that I will never have somebody to support me as a professional, therefore I will go ahead and become somebody’s (hopefully many somebodies’) mentor instead. Give what I didn’t have, but probably could have benefited from. But can I give what I never had? (Hint: the answer is yes.)
Mentors are there to listen, encourage, support, counsel, motivate, and generally explain the intricacies of whatever subject they’re being mentored on. There is no outline to follow in order to be a mentor, well, there is where we work, but I’m talking about truly being able to be there for somebody as they are getting started/’re-orging’/advancing/’whatevering’. Something else of importance when you are mentoring: you are in the arena with the person, not looking on from the watchtower. I like how vulnerability researcher, Brené Brown, PhD LMSW puts it in her video Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count: “If you’re gonna go in the arena and spend any time there whatsoever, especially if you’ve committed to creating in your life, you will get your ass kicked.” Yes, you will. You’ll then need somebody to pick you up, dust you off, and walk back into that arena with you until you can walk in there alone (which I would argue doesn’t actually need to happen either, because in reality, nobody (except hermits) is isolated from other humans, so there’s no need/reason to walk in there alone). If you don’t have a least one person who will dust you off, encourage you to keep trying/failing, and motivate you to keep doing more, than all you have are critics. Dr. Brown says, and I agree, that those people don’t deserve your attention or time. If they aren’t getting bloody with you, then they have no say in what you do.
I’m a mentor now to various people (faculty, staff, students) and entire groups (NMSU: Nursing, Business, Social Work, English) that aligns with my professional skills, as well as I teach a a college course in the evenings specifically designed to encourage, motivate, support those (bloody) students through their first year of college. I don’t know if I am a good mentor, but I follow the simple “rules” (not sure what I should call them – mantra?) for mentorship: I’m dusty, I’m bloody, I’m tired, and I too have only received a 1% raise over the last 5 years (hey, money is an intrinsic motivator and without it you rely solely on humanistic drive to still want to make things better than they were), but I’m still willing to fight with you, and when we win that fight together (and the next one, and the next one…), my hand will be extended — ready to pull you out — and serve you up a stiff drink.
I didn’t have that hand extended to me, though I’ve had more than my share of stiff drinks, and I’m okay with that at this point in my career, because I realize now how that has made me want to do that much more for somebody else. I’m drawn to the idea of being a leader, a mentor, a motivator, a listener, and a fighter. I guess I’m a lot like my 2-year-old daughter, who doesn’t mind getting banged up and bloody on the trampoline, as long as you were on there with her getting tossed around, too.
Just show up. 